When we talk about the poor and depraved, one often imagines a begger on the street or a homeless person but where I’m from, I can boldly say that to many of the poor people who seat on pedestrian bridges and walkways, it is more like a lifestyle.
I used to dread being broke. Being unable to meet my most basic needs, being dependant on someone to provide food and shelter and medication for me all the time. Knowing how hard the employment rate was in the country, how hopeless things were looking for the average young person in Nigeria, and the unattainable dreams I had concerning getting my MFA abroad when I was done with University, it was absolutely necessary for me to get a good job or some sort of income as soon as I was done with school.
I didn’t want to end up like some of my siblings who stayed home for such a long time just drifting. I didn’t want to be idle and I didn’t want to be broke.
But I couldn’t escape it. At this point in my life, I am making zero income. This was not my plan. Even when I was awaiting my result in 2017, I was earning something. Little, but something. Now, I’m scared to get sick because of hospital bills. I can’t even afford to buy new clothes. I’ve sunk in comfortably in the culture of hand-me-downs. I have zero pride about buying what we call bend-down select clothing or Okrika which are second/third/fourth-hand clothing.
It’s not that I’m not content. I am. This is not a condition that I chose and the truth is that I have it waaaaay better than others. I am not hungry, nor homeless. I have parents and older ones who support me and I am grateful to them.
It just sucks to have only on good pair of shoes that may come undone at any moment. It sucks for my clothes to rip in public. It really irks me when I’m among my peers in public and I feel so inferior because of my appearance. I would love to upgrade my wordpress account and I just can’t because I actually can’t afford 39 dollars, as little as that.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for pity. I give myself a lot of pity. I’d just like thing to change. I like to give to people, I think myself a generous person and one of the things I looked forward to when I finally have a financial stand is helping people, donating to causes that will help actual poor people get out of their situations. I think that is the most disheartening part of it all, that I am unable to do that.
No condition is permanent, They say. I’ve got my whole life in front of me and I know that in time, everything will work itself out. Losing one good job opportunity and quitting another job January because of a toxic employer will be nothing to when I finally rise from this point in my life, from the midst of need.
EmahPurpleWriter 