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Ohayoo October  (Welcome to the new month)

Can someone please tell me how we are in October already? Because to me, it feels as if 2021 decided to sprint by. But I guess it’s kind of good cause of how 2020 had decided to be the longest 365 days in history. Anyway, welcome to the month of Fall (even though there is no Fall in my part of the world). Welcome to the month of Halloween (even though I don’t celebrate Halloween) It looks like were counting down to the last months of this year. But before I talk about my hopes and goals for October, I’ll talk about how September went.

SEPTEMBER

The word to describe the past month was Chaos. More than once, I literally found myself unraveling like a sentient ball of yarn, rolling across the floor, trying desperately to get itself back together again, only to bounce around in a tangled mess. September was tough.

I started the month anticipating the difficulties of a new job. My last job had taught me that the corporate world was a dog-eat-dog world. It was cruel and manipulative. It extorted and was toxic. And I was so right. When God lead me to pray for wisdom in the beginning of September, I didn’t know the reason why. But the prayer for wisdom came through. Even though things were tough, and the stress accumulated like a stack of concrete blocks upon my head, I found the grace to pull through. God gave me grace and wisdom to steer around the mayhem.

Days before my birthday, I had already started to feel the birthday blues. It felt like a cold wave as my birthday approached. And I heard the enemy’s words,

“You’re going to be twenty-seven, Anne. And what is there to show for it? Where is the love, the family, the finances, the adventure? Where is the book you wanted to be a best seller by now? Where is the movie adaptation. This time last year, you were thinking that that would be the last birthday you’d spend here before heading to America for your masters program. But you had hoped so hard. What is there to show for all the hoping and trusting and believing? Huh Anne? Tell me. Tell me.”

I’m trying to give words to the feelings in my heart but to be honest it was just a jumbled ball of despair that had been creeping upon me. Add to that all the stress of work and you can catch a glimpse of how difficult I was making life for myself. But a day before my birthday, I spoke with some of my friends and they encouraged me that thankfulness was a choice. And even though it was the harder choice, it was a better choice. She sent this to me and it really chased the darkness from my heart.

God had really been steering me towards TRUST like I never had before. From my last year’s experience, I’ve come to understand that trust is vulnerability. It’s letting your guard down. But the good thing is, I’m not trusting man, but my trust is in God. The God who uses death to bring everlasting life. Who shows us the purpose in our pain. Who gave us Christ in our crisis. Trust is letting Him build my life.

Last year, my prayer to God on my birthday was for God to lead me like a child. God spoke to me from Psalms 16:5-6. And it took me a  year to really understand that when God was saying;

5 Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. 6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

Psalms 16:5-6

The “delightful inheritance” was not
a good job or a husband or a heavy bank account balance. It was Christ. He was the rock where I could never be shaken. I’ve been very materialistic in my faith up until now (I’m still struggling to love God for who He is and not what He can give me) and I’m just so thankful for the growth God has been giving me to be content in God and God alone. To have such a personal relationship with God that I can see His plans in every single disappointment and heartbreak.

When I came to terms with the fact that God had been so faithful, it really filled my heart with so much joy on my birthday. God by-passed the cakes, parties and presents that should have made me feel loved on my birthday, and sent the love right into my heart. He showed me that I was valued and precious by painting it in the skies. He showed me through people who I didn’t even know a year ago but who had become sisters to me.

He spoke to me through Isaiah 12. In verse He said,

2 Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.”

Isaiah 12:2 NIV

The fact the He is my strength tells of impending battles. The fact that He is my salvation shows that there will be enemies. And even though I know it might never get easier, I know God will draw ever closer to me.

On the birthday matter, my prayer for  the new age was, “God, envelope me. Swallow me whole.” I’m not satisfied with simply being led. I want Gundam God-am. God, be my mecha-suit. God, pilot my life. Dunk me in the swirling galaxy pool of God’s presence. Just immerse me in You. (Sorry for being so extra but you get the point.) And with God, I know I can look forward to any situation, any battle, and any storm.

Finally, God taught me something really incredible. God told me that He trusts me. I was thinking about Job’s story and wondering. Why would God let Job go through all that? Why not hide Job away from the devil’s eyes. But God said, “consider my server Job” because He trusted Job. (In Nigerian slag, God knew that Job wouldn’t fall His hand.) And it just blew my mind to know that God has such strong emotions for us. We don’t only rely on Him but He relies on us. We have our confidence in Him and He is confident that we won’t fail Him. We don’t only trust Him but He trusts us as well. He trusts that we will not give up on Him. He trusts that our love won’t wane despite the trials. And that is such a beautiful thing.

OCTOBER

Right now as I’m typing, I’m literally carving out time to write this while in church because I’ve been so so busy. I’ve not even had the time to watch anime or sadly, even write. I’ve been so busy that I lose track of days. I’m up by five-thirty every morning and I’m off like clockwork doing one thing or the other. (I’m even thinking of setting my alarm earlier)

My goal for the new month is to find the time and space to be still in God’s presence. I need to chill. I manage to be still every morning and I’ve been thankful that God has been giving me grace but I want more. I want more of His guidance and truth. I want to REST IN HIM!

I need a vacation. I’ve been so uptight about inconsequential things lately. And I want to fix my eyes on what really matters. I don’t want to be anxious about anything anymore. And I guess this is my number one goal for October. To find balance. I always used to wonder about those zombie-employees who lose all their joy and passion in the monotonous cooperate world. I used to dread the 9-5 life with it’s work, eat, sleep, rinse, repeat lifestyle. That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to be a writer. To live life creatively at my own pace. I wanted to be the observer, commenting on the mundane affairs of life, not being embedded in the mundane without any say or freedom to express God’s beauty.

But I believe I have the power (in Christ) to bring color into the mundane. Not to let my experience chisel me, but to chisel it. To meander around the toxicity of  work and just sparkle wherever God has placed me. To walk in joy and celebration. The latter part of God’s words to me on my birthday says,

4 In that day you will say: “Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. 5 Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world.

Isaiah 12

I want those around to know through me that Christ makes me waterproof. So that pressure and trouble and stress can roll off me like water off a ducks back.

Thanks so much for stopping by. I’m wishing you a happy October once again. Stop by again next time.

Emah OUT!

1 thought on “Ohayoo October  (Welcome to the new month)”

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