Single Girl’s (and Boy’s) Guide to Surviving Valentines

The say love is in the air. Twah! Don’t you just hate that smell?

It’s that time of the year again when all those happy couple’s will be out to rub off how great their relationships are in your face. Your ex just posted a pic of himself and the new one on Instagram. They are holding a stuffed red pillow. Hashtag val. Your roommate is already counting how many dates she will have to go on the fourteenth. You are miserable, “This valentines is going to suck.” You say to yourself wishing so much that by some strange anomaly, fourteenth of February will magically disappear from the calendar.

There’s no need to worry. With this never before seen, single girl (and boys) guide to surviving valentines, you will pass through the valentines without a tear to shed.

  1. Mute your crush. Go online and smash that mute button. You don’t want to read his (or her) stories, updates, status. Stay far away from him. He must not exist to you, At least until valentines is over.
  2. Get snacks. A great hunter must acquire the proper tools. For you, it is your snacks. Get something you like, be your own valentine, indulge in expensive chocolate, but I would recommend a massive tub of ice cream. (Although it is very important to purchase your snacks at least two days before that day.)
  3. Point number two leads to the third tip. Don’t. Go. Out. On valentines day, you absolutely have to make sure you don’t step outside the confines and protection of your home. If you have a job, call in sick. You must get all groceries and other needs prior to the day. Winter is coming. Staying indoors means you don’t have to watch all those couples dressed up in red and white, holding hands, publicly displaying their perfect relationships. (There is a scowl on my face as I write.)
  4. Get a book, or a movie. Something exhilarating, something with action, something with explosions. It doesn’t matter if you are into action or not. You will need to sear off your emotional glands.
  5. When everyone else is out “coupling”, turn up your TV, pull out your snacks, watch your movie and make sure you absolutely stay away from social media through out the day.

And if you call follow all these tips religiously, I can give you a 70% assurance that you will NOT fall into a miserable, depressed, self-pitying mess on valentines day.

Or on the other hand, you can just call your crush and use the opportunity to confess your love to him/her…

Nope.

On a serious note, this post is just something I wrote to poke fun at valentines and the expectations of the holiday. I, in no way imply that single people are sad and miserable. Look at me, I’m single and I’m perfectly fine. (Awkward silence.)

The only real advice I can give to single people out there in the spirit of the holiday is to love yourself as much as you would expect someone else to love you. And don’t even let yourself feel bad because you are beautiful. Yeah, I said it.

So tell me all about how your valentines will go for you. Did my guide help you out? Will you have fun with your significant other? Did anyone surprise you? What gifts did you get? I would love, love, love to know.

Happy Valentines and…

Emah Out!

Love you!

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